Straw Man

it was written and

later revised somewhere

that nero banned

the drinking

of sugary liquids

through a paper tube

he proudly proclaimed

for all the empire

that carbohydrates congeal

better about the waist

when imbibed with a plastic pipe

the bigger the thighs

his motto was

the more likely

it would be

for citizens

to swallow lies

the ministers and

hangers on at court

were somehow able

to record what happened

when the world's

most powerful finagler

fixated on gold buildings

fire and trivial preoccupations

how the good citizens

of that once great republic

rode in on their asses

to the open-air markets

to sip and grow flaccid waiting

for a different saccharine pretender

or for the real thing eventually to wallow

across the great south lawn

and soon enough

a calorie and caffeine free

solution arrived in the

equitable hands and minds

of the diverse and inclusive

tribes of visigoths and huns

goodbye to the will to power

hello to twilight of the idols

the senators of antiquity

played along with the conceit

that someday the place

might be great again

but anticipating

the cataclysmic conclusion

did their best to line

the hidden pockets

of their togas

with silver from

the nation's coffers

all the while

praising and toasting

their straw man

with his own

overpriced brand

of carbonated whining